" The Power of Images"

Do you enjoy reminiscing about pictures - for example, pictures that contain events, such as, vacations or special occasions? Maybe it’s the people within the picture that you reminisce about. Is it the content of the picture that excites you, or is it the feeling(s) you get when you look at the picture? Whatever the answers may be, lies within the power of images.

Images were the first stage of communication. Visual images of drawings and sculptures shaped history’s knowledge and understanding. Viewing and researching images on cave walls, on rocks, even on fabric continues to allow the discovery of how different cultures lived and died. Through the representation of an image society discovers and explores. In addition to the images of drawing and sculpture, a picture that is a still life image, is another form of discovery.

Pictures capture life experiences. It’s the visual image and visual content within the picture that paves the way to memories. There have been numerous researches on using personal pictures to help Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients with their recall. Visual images can be used in many ways to initiate positive healing energies.

In recalling the questions about visual images, may I share my answers regarding the power of images? I carry in my planner a picture of my family the night I received my master’s degree. When I look at the picture, I feel peace and much love. I feel hands of support around me. When I look at this picture, I feel strength from the image of my sister. She was my biggest fan and supporter. She was my teacher and my friend. When I look at this picture, I feel grounded and loved from the image of my mother. She is a strong proud woman with the kindest heart. When I look at this picture, I see myself standing in between these two amazing women. This image reminds me I do not walk alone in my journeys. This picture has given me energy and much strength. It has given me balance and much patience in these chaotic times.

I invite you to use the power of your images to inspire you, to strengthen you, and to … in these chaotic and challenging times.

　Lourie Davis, ATR-BC, LSW, CCFC, is an Art Therapist at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. She specializes in counseling children and teens with and without special needs. Lourie presents lectures and workshops on a variety of topics, including visual arts and creativity.

"Are you really hearing the message?"

Effective communication has two main components; sending and receiving. When people talk about improving their communication, they are typically referring to the sending part. People seek coaching around message delivery, articulation and speaking in a way that doesn’t automatically generate a defensive response in the other party for example. But what we don’t often pay as much attention to is the receiving part of the communication chain.

Our auditory sense is actually one of our strongest senses. It’s the first to develop in the womb and the last to leave us when we die, but we live in such a visual and distracting world that our listening, at times, leaves something to be desired.

Are we really hearing the message of the sender? What about in times of strained or difficult conversations? What about in times when we disagree with what the sender is saying? Are we really hearing the message then?

There are some tips to consider when trying to improve your listening skills.

1. Suspend what you think you know about what the person is going to say. All we really have is the moment that is in front of us. When you anticipate and come to a conclusion about what someone is saying before they’ve finished, you’re missing the moment you’re currently in and you’re also, most likely, missing their complete message.
2. Wait. Wait longer than you think you should. Sometimes the most significant portion of what someone is trying to convey comes at the end. When someone subconsciously feels there is time to share and no hurry to finish speaking or get on to the next point, their most important message can be spoken.
3. Reflect what you hear. This technique can be helpful when trying to avoid conflict. Repeat and summarize what you think you heard someone say. This helps the sender feel heard and also clarifies that you heard it correctly. You might say "what I heard you say was…..".
4. Listen with the "third ear." This tip I learned long ago from a great mentor of mine. This suggestion refers to picking up on other subtleties such as body language, facial expression, emphasis on words, affect, rate of speech, pauses, sighs, laughter and other cues. The "third ear" is your sense of what is being conveyed. If you really tune in, you’ll find that you can hear and feel when something that someone says really carries weight and significance.

Improving listening skills can be a very helpful tool. It’s easy to practice being a better listener and you can try to implement some of these strategies and find immediate results. Being an effective listener can help you avoid or diffuse conflict. It can assist in clarifying and re-clarifying what is trying to be translated to you through the senders’ message. It can help support the speaker and make them feel heard. And it can indirectly also help you be more present and in the moment too.

Megan Gunnell, LMSW, MT-BC, is a co-director and a psychotherapist with the Center for Creative Living, Inc in Royal Oak. Visit

www.megangunnell.com or call 248-635-5285

Meditation and Transformation

In turbulent times meditation can offer us a peaceful, centered mind that enables us to engage life with a fresh, hopeful, dynamic point of view. People have been meditating for thousands of years and the practice is a part of many of the wisdom traditions from around the world. The Christian tradition includes contemplative prayer as well as Gregorian chant which uses sacred sound to uplift mind and spirit. There are many kinds of meditation and they are apparently all beneficial in a variety of ways.

The best researched form of meditation involves using a sound called a mantra. Mantra is a Sanskrit word meaning vehicle of the mind. Mantras allow us to travel from the state of the turbulence of our individual mind to the experience of mind, body integration with a field of pure potentiality. This field is found in the gap between our thoughts. There is a gap between our thoughts just as there is a brief state of rest between each inhalation and exhalation. Awareness of these gaps is very settling to the mind, so settling in fact that research has shown profound health benefits resulting from meditation.

Meditation has been shown to greatly improve insomnia and anxiety. This is because meditation results in the restful awareness response in which heart rate and breathing are slowed, blood pressure normalizes and oxygen consumption decreases. Interestingly these body responses are the direct opposite of the ones experienced in the fight flight response. The fight flight response is how the body reacts to real or perceived danger. It results in faster, shallower breathing, increased heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen consumption. Additionally blood is pumped away from organs, for example the stomach, and toward the arms and legs preparing the body to fight or run away. This response saved humans lives thousands of years ago when we were cornered by a predator and no doubt it saves the lives of soldiers and others threatened by violence today. The problem is that many of us experience the fight flight response quite often in the absence of any real threat to our safety. This results in the adrenal glands releasing adrenaline and cortisol which can lead to insomnia and anxiety.

The restful awareness response experienced in meditation is the opposite of the fight flight response. It calms the mind and body and allows us to respond from the higher levels of the brain rather than the primitive brain focused only on survival instincts. In addition to relief from insomnia and anxiety, research has shown regular meditators have a younger biological age. In studies those meditating less than 5 years measured 5 years younger and those meditating more than 5 years appeared up to 12 years younger. Beyond improved health, regular meditation can even result in higher states of consciousness.

Tim McMahon, is a mindfulness psychotherapist intern and meditation instructor at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. For more information, call (248) 414-4050

Invest where we'll get the greatest return

Five teenagers walk shoulder to shoulder through a mall, more intent on their text conversations than each other. At home, we plug into various forms of electronic entertainment, rather than our family members. We are losing our ability to be with one another; losing the ability to be here and now, in the present, with others. With ourselves. Yet, technology moguls tell us we are becoming more connected.

When we are born, we can see about the distance from our mother’s arms to her face. That’s all we need. The first rule of survival: make the mommy face happy. Happy mommy takes better care of us. That’s an over-simplification of an essential survival skill: successful socialization. Learning to read other’s faces, their moods, and to react appropriately, can quite literally be the difference between survival and death. Interestingly, dogs read faces the same way we do. That’s why they seem to understand how we’re feeling. They do. Dogs know what we seem to be forgetting—what we are forgetting to teach our children.

What happens when we replace reading the bedtime story to our children with the mechanical bear, or the book with the pre-recorded voice? We deny our children opportunities to learn to read the signs. When WE read the book with them, we give them visual clues about characters and events. Our facial expressions model how we should respond. When Cinderella is left home from the ball, our faces appear distressed for her. When The Big Bad Wolf starts chatting up Little Red Ridding Hood fear and concern read on our faces. Our children mimic this. They see what appropriate responses look like, and they apply this knowledge in similar situations.

We live in an age where there are all kinds of amazing electronic toys that will teach our children, and be their companions…so we don’t have to. This leaves us free to sit on our cell phones and computers and talk to our peripheral acquaintances: our fantasy companions. Such toys can feed our kids information: numbers, and letters. They can blink and buzz when the child spits out the correct response. They cannot reflect parental pride and joy. They cannot wrap their arms around our children and offer them love and support. They cannot comfort mistakes and failures. They cannot teach our children how to be human. That’s what we’re here for.

Close your laptop. Open the game closet, start a garden, build and fly a kite. Make a real meal together and talk about every thing over dinner. Go for a hike, camp, find animal tracks, sit by the campfire and tell stories. Build memories, not databases. Let your children pick up stones and shells, tangible objects, rather than read about them online. Get back to being with one another. Get back into the business of being a strong influence on your children’s lives. Show your children they are worth your time. Invest your energy in your real relationships. The return will be worth it.  

 Sean OTuathal is a Masters in Counseling Intern with a specialization in Couple and Family at The Center for Creative Living, and sees clients on a sliding scale.

The Quality of Your Thoughts are Reflected by the Quality of Your Life

When you look around yourself, what do you see? Is the world a fearsome or a nurturing place? Oftentimes, how we see the world is a direct result of how we see ourselves. If we view ourselves as unworthy, we attract experiences that confirm our negative self-opinions. Conversely, if we see ourselves as fully loveable, we attract experiences that depict the world as a safe, loving environment in which we thrive.

Learning to love and accept ourselves is the key to attracting good in our lives. One way we can all help turn the unhappiness that exists in our world around is to make the personal shift from our own negative thinking to that of love energy. You see, our thoughts go out into the world as energy, and it’s important to be mindful that what we send out isn’t harmful.

If you currently struggle with negativity, you will be surprised at how much better you feel by taking charge of your thinking! It can be done, if you really understand how much this negative thinking is hurting you.

Oftentimes, we engage in these destructive behaviors because we reflect the behaviors that our major caregivers have exhibited toward us. If we continue this damaging practice, we’re short-changing ourselves and others. In your own experience, have you struggled with self-deprecation and realized that you choose partners who reinforce the characteristics of your major caregivers as you were growing up? We are always attracted to people on our own emotional level and who emit energies that feel familiar, and therefore comfortable to us.

There are many workshops, books and programs to help change the "old thinking " to a more positive, self-loving viewpoint. There is a concept of "carried energy" which we pick up as children from our primary caregivers and carry with us for a lifetime, living as though this energy were our own. This energy that we’ve picked up from others can consist of many destructive emotions, including pain, shame, anger, guilt, fear, abandonment issues and more.

By attending experimental workshops, seeing a therapist doing some reading, and taking part in other active programs, you can begin to throw off the old, long outdated patterns of being. Then you can develop new, self-nurturing thoughts and behaviors that help you learn to love yourself again, embracing the fact that you are a spiritual being, guided by a Higher Power, toward experiences that grow you into your more authentic self. Joyce Martell, MA, LLP a therapist at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. For more details call the Center 248-414-4050 or visit

A Broader Perspective

How our own personal growth impacts our world

Spring seems an appropriate time to talk about change. We see the transformation of our bare trees bursting into a spectacular color and life. Change is all around us and in us. Some of us resist changes, others welcome it.

Positive change is growth and transformation. Most psychologists agree that, although there are many ways to look at narcissism (excessive overvaluing of one’s self, and the undervaluing others), it is, in general, a normal trait of childhood that is ideally outgrown. Growth can therefore be defined as a successive decrease in egocentrism. Growth and transformation increases consciousness. It follows that there can be no authentic transformation of the world without an effort on our part toward self-transformation and growth.

The rate of change itself is changing. It is not linear in today’s world. In just one long lifetime (100 years or so) we have gone from the speed of the horse to the speed of space travel. In the next 20 years we will make five times the progress we saw in the entire 20^th century. Human activities are causing a massive, rapid, and worldwide extinction of both plant and animal species that is unprecedented in human history.

The urgency of our growth and transformation as a species is clear. It has been said by scientists in Warning to Humanity (1992) that "human beings and the natural world are on a collision course…. A great change in our stewardship of the earth and the life on it is required if vast human misery is to be avoided and our global home on the planet is not to be irretrievably mutilated." Humanity’s technological growth has run far ahead of our growth in wisdom, care and compassion.

We must realize that no one or no thing is going to save us. Unless we develop an awareness of our cravings and consumption, we will never have enough of anything like the narcissist. Growth and positive change is as simple as starting right here, right now. Truly healthy human be-ings simply take responsibility and recognize that they are not separate from anything. In Tibetan Buddism this is know as "view" or "bigger perspective" – embracing change and having a detached view of change at the same time.

There is no better example of this than His Holiness The Dalai Lama. In the face of everything that has happened in Tibet, despite all the personal ramifications of being the spiritual leader of that country and it’s people, he has kept his cool. He has been extremely effective because, as involved as he is, he has also been able to detach himself. As we grow and change, we affect the collective. Wasn’t it Mahatma Gandhi that said, "be the change you want to see in the world"?

Dr. Lingar is a former collegiate-athlete and psychotherapist specializing in Sport and Performance at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. Call 248-414-4050 for more details.

What is Mindfulness and Why Should I Care?

A lot of people are talking about ‘mindfulness,’ but what is it? Of the many definitions of mindfulness, the simplest and easiest to remember comes from Dr. Daniel Siegel of UCLA. Dr. Siegel is known for his use of acronyms, and the one he uses for mindfulness is COAL, which stands for curiosity, openness, awareness and love. A little reflection will reveal that this is a good description of the peak experiences of our lives, such as when we are overcome by natural beauty or experiences of deep intimacy with those closest to us. But it is also possible to have such moments in less pleasing circumstances. What mindfulness is not is pretending to be delighted when we are not, or forcing moments to conform to our wishes.

In fact, when practicing mindfulness all thoughts are welcome. Acceptance is the antidote to struggle. There is the story of the anxious man who saves his money for a long time to see a great doctor for a consultation about his worry, only to have the doctor tell him, "When you are anxious, be anxious." The man wanted a refund. He did not want to accept his anxiety; he wanted to stamp it out permanently. The point is not that anxiety should go untreated but that sometimes the effort to stamp it out only makes things worse. Frequently when we notice we are anxious our next thought is something like, "I don’t want to be anxious," or "Oh no, I can’t be anxious right now." And so a struggle begins in which we are now anxious that we are anxious.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, a prevalent form of therapy, focuses on identifying problematic thoughts and beliefs in order to challenge and change them. This can certainly be effective, particularly for depression, as research has shown. But a growing number of clinicians are beginning to prefer mindfulness-based cognitive therapy in which they focus less on directly changing thoughts and more on changing the relationship to thoughts. The difference from the above example is a person who, after some mindfulness practice or working with a mindfulness-based therapist, may notice they are anxious and approach the experience with curiosity, openness, awareness and love. So the person notices: "I am anxious. I wonder why? What is my body trying to tell me? I have been anxious before and although I don’t like it, I know it will end and it won’t hurt me." Emphasis can also be placed on shifting attention off of thoughts to sensations in the body. There is an acceptance or tolerance of the anxiety. This does not mean the source of the anxiety is never sought or addressed, only that it is accepted in the moment as best as one is able. The paradox is that when thoughts are experienced as thoughts – not as threatening or permanent realities to be immediately changed – the struggle with our own internal dialogue has a chance to find peace in good times and in bad.

Tim McMahon, is a mindfulness psychotherapist and meditation instructor interning at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. For more information, call (248

There is Life after Sport

As this football fan relaxes on a Sunday at home; awaiting what will in all likelihood be yet another painful Detroit Lions road loss; my thoughts remain with the Denver Broncos’ wide receiver Kenny McKinley. McKinley, 23, was not a household name in the National Football League (NFL); and prior to reading about his suicide on September 20, I had never heard of him. McKinley was a star wide receiver at South Carolina and a fifth round draft choice in 2009. It is alleged that after McKinley had a second major knee surgery that kept him from performing in a second straight season; and after the Broncos acquired a new crop of receivers; the Atlanta-born athlete became severely depressed and suicidal. This highlights a high priority subject in the field of sport psychology; the issue of the career or life transition.

While those who are household names; superstars like Peyton Manning and Brett Favre; reportedly make outlandish salaries and appear to play forever, these players are more the exception than the rule. The average length of the NFL playing career is under three years; and a recent study by the NFL Players Assoc. found that 78% of all NFL players are divorced, bankrupt and/or unemployed two years after leaving the game. In some respects this reflects the decentralized nature of sport in our country. While the primary developmental pool for many elite-level athletes remains the collegiate athletic programs; European countries have national training centers for the development of elite-level athletes; part of which includes a relationship with a sport psychologist who follows the athlete from pre to early teens up until the athlete’s mid 30’s.

This is less an indictment on the consideration we have given this topic; and more a warning that "we dudes" need to consider re-defining masculinity as we continue into the 21^st Century. The NFL has a rookie transition program, and all players are offered free psychotherapy and a 24-hr hotline to call under the umbrella of its player development program. Not surprisingly, it is reported that these services are rarely utilized. Ironically, an athlete’s strengths on the playing field—strong, independent, a gladiator mentality—may well become a weakness off of it. We cannot tackle our way into increased self-awareness or personal growth; any more then we can bury our feelings alive and expect that there will be no repercussions. McKinley’s friends and teammates described a guy with a million-dollar smile who always appeared to be in a jovial mood. When he joked with friends during a recent game of dominos that "if I can’t play football, I might as well kill myself," his buddies simply laughed it off.

In today’s post-modern information age; where women now outnumber men in the workforce and more men are home with their children then ever before; we need to expand and re-define just what it means to be a man. It takes alot more strength to be honest with yourself and to talk openly with a trusted friend or professional then it does to keep feelings buried inside and continue the macho, Superman facade. Our career, sport or otherwise, is simply what we do. It is not who we are--as men or as individuals. I only wish Kenny McKinley had allowed himself the time to figure all this out.

Dr. Lingar is a former collegiate-athlete and psychotherapist specializing in Sport & Performance Psychology at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak.

Surviving Divorce

Divorce is epidemic and its effects are pervasive in American culture. Why aren’t marriages, enduring? How can people survive the devastating impact of divorce and its aftermath?

Abigail Trafford, in Crazy Time (Bantam Books, 1982), refers to divorce as a "savage emotional journey that often begins the day you get married." For many couples, this is all too true. The seeds of divorce are the unrealistic expectations and unrevealed selves we bring to the altar. The inevitable disappointments occur, followed by disillusionment and resentment. Add to the formula poor communication skills and aversion to conflict and the result is growing detachment, deadened emotions, and ultimately, in roughly half of all marriages in this country, divorce.

And then comes the devastation. Many compare divorce to a death. It is, in fact, the death of a relationship, with the attendant losses of in-laws, friends, lifestyle, and security (and for some, the loss of children, home, pets, and more). It also marks the death of a dream.

How can individuals deal with the changes and losses and shock to the system that accompany divorce and at the same time learn what is necessary to avoid subsequent failed marriages? As a counselor working with many people going through divorce, individually and in groups, my observation is that there are several keys to an effective recovery. Refraining from self-destructive or addictive behaviors and avoiding rebound relationships are two of them. A third is a sense of spirituality; those who have some sort of spiritual belief system seem to recovery more easily than others.

Perhaps the most essential key to healing, especially in the early stages of the process of separation and divorce, is support. The people who grow through the experience and emerge with some peace, hope and happiness are those who reach out to others for support. For some, family members can be helpful, often surprisingly so. One of the positive outcomes I see frequently is people forming stronger bonds with siblings who step closer to help them through the process and then remain close. Good friends can help, too, but often their capacity to be helpful, objective and patient is limited. Friendships can be worn out if overused.

Some people find themselves without good friends at this critical time, usually because they have failed to maintain friendships during their marriage. This is especially true among men, many of whom, as Thoreau said, "lead lives of quiet desperation." This desperation is never more evident than it is when a man is suffering all the losses of divorce, compounding the pain of the loss with the pain of isolation.

The type of support that is most helpful during this process, whether one has the support of family and friends or not, is the kind that those in similar circumstances can provide. Small divorce support groups, where members share their shock, sadness, outrage, and fear, are the best places for the healing to begin. In the privacy of the group setting members offer each other empathy, acceptance, understanding, strength and hope.

Members will often exchange phone numbers to be available for mutual support between meetings as well.

Many, if not most, people also need individual counseling to help them through the process. Divorce is one of the most stressful events one can experience. The recovery process can be eased and the long-term negative impact reduced with the help of a professional counselor.

The final key to healing is the releasing of resentments. Holding a resentment toward an ex-spouse contaminates one’s other relationships, especially with one’s children and new partner, and robs one of energy that could be given to those relationships. To resent someone usually involves perceiving oneself as a victim. When one is able to drop that self-perception one can regain his or her power, self-esteem and energy and have a fuller and happier life and richer relationships. Though it is an essential step in the recovery process, the releasing of resentment often takes many months and not everyone does it at the same pace.

Tom FitzPatrick is a therapist at the Center for Creative Living in Royal Oak. He provides individual counseling and support groups for individuals who are struggling with the decision to divorce, the divorce process, or its long-term effects. He also offers joint counseling for couples needing help with the process of improving their relationship or of making and carrying out the decision to end it.

The Center is located 2011 Crooks Road, Royal Oak, MI 48073. Telephone (248) 414-4050.

"Ring in the New Year with Silence"

After all the excitement and celebration of the holiday season is behind us and the new year is underway, I’d like to propose an intention to you the reader. I’d like you to join me in paying closer attention to the spaces between the sound. By this I mean, with all the conversations – those we have with others and those rattling around in our minds, it’s not often that we find a place for silence. Can you find the space between the sound – can you find the silence between the chatter? How can we possibly pay true and sincere attention to what’s right in front of us, if we cannot even stop to hear our own breath?

January is a perfect time to take an opportunity to learn to mediate or simply reconnect with an exhale and hear the quiet and stillness all around you. The holidays can sometimes seem like a constant buzz of excitement and energy, and after all the hustle and bustle is behind us and the clean up lap is complete, there is a sense of quiet, crisp, clear air that supports us. This sense of silence can support us in renewal and is part of a healthy cleansing of old unnecessary negative thoughts and feelings we may be holding onto.

There are many benefits to meditation, stillness and silence. For one, it has many physiological benefits. Did you know that people who meditate have a reduction in their anxiety levels simply by reducing their blood lactate levels? They also tend to have a stronger immune system to fight off illness. People who find time for silence and stillness also have a more relaxed nervous system and can even normalize to an ideal weight easier than those who do not practice regular meditation.

There are also many psychological benefits as well. People who meditate on a regular basis can increase their serotonin influencing mood and behavior. Time for meditation and introspective silence can also make you less aggressive and more tolerant, more creative and focused and can improve your concentration too.

Aside from the researched and proven benefits of meditation, silence and stillness, there is a secondary gain of listening to and hearing your own inner voice more clearly. As a psychotherapist, I’m not in the business of giving advice, but rather nurturing and supporting the quest for an answer within yourself. While a therapist may assist with reframing thoughts or gently guiding towards another perspective; ultimately the solutions to challenges we face in life are typically found deep within our own knowing, intuition and strengths we already carry. Sometimes we cannot hear these answers because we’re not taking the time to really listen.

I hope you’ll allow this January to be the beginning of a new season for you – a season of silence, stillness and crisp, clear, quiet thinking. Time to ‘clear the clutter’ of unnecessary negative thoughts and feelings and make room for a more positive you! For your own inner awareness, I hope you’ll join me in discovering the space between the sound.

Megan Gunnell, LMSW, MT-BC, psychotherapist with the Center for Creative Living, specializes in women's issues, relationships, life transitions, grief and loss and holistic treatment for depression and anxiety. She offers a "Woman to Woman" creative outing group that meets once a month, offering an opportunity to meet other like-minded women and experience creative local events. For details see www.megangunnell.com or call (248) 635-5285.