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Aug172009

Quieting The Inner Critic

Monday, August 17, 2009 at 06:09PM

Have you ever taken the time to listen to the tone of voice with which you speak to yourself? The voice inside your head: is it kind or is it critical? Does it reflect self-love, or self-hatred? Do you call yourself names, like stupid, dumb or lazy?

This kind of negative self-talk is dangerous and unhealthy. The truth is that we cannot be any nicer to other people than we are to ourselves. And one way that we can discern whether or not we are good to ourselves, is to pay attention to the inner dialogue that is always ongoing, and provides an intimate view of our intra-personal relationship—the one we have with ourselves.

In his book, “Taming Your Gremlin,” Richard Carson says it is important to start to “simply notice” and become aware of these habits of mind. Carson calls the inner critic, our gremlin. “He is with you when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night,” Carson says. “He tells you who and how you are, and he defines and interprets your every experience. He wants you to accept his interpretations as reality, and his goal, from moment to moment, day to day, is to squelch the natural, vibrant you within.”

If we buy into this charade of self-loathing, we can totally lose sight of our unique and loveable natures. The gremlin keeps us obsessing over past choices, and projecting fear over future ones. So rather than seeing the opportunities around us, we remain stuck in ruminative thinking, and feel miserable through either heightened anxiety or a viscous loop of depression. No wonder life feels like such a struggle when negative thought patterns keep us imprisoned in a recurring daydream of unsatisfactory experiences and unrealized dreams.

In order to find our true calling, we must learn to confront the “gremlin” and quiet the inner critic whose sole purpose is to keep us feeling “less than” and unworthy. The ideal situation is to observe the gremlin, hear the narrative of self-criticism, and disbelieve the monologue written by such an insecure self. By simply noticing this process, reality becomes more apparent, the sounds of a self-respect become louder, and the drone of self-attack recedes more and more into the background. Unlearning the bad habit of negative self-talk is attainable, because the erroneous assumptions underlying the critical voice are similarly learned. Taming the gremlin gives us greater control over states of anxiety as well as tendencies toward depression.

Everyone has the right to be happy. But inner contentment and joy are impossible to achieved when drowned out by the harsh and constant chatter of the gremlin. By focusing instead on loving feelings for our self, the gremlin is eventually silenced. By appreciating life and expressing gratitude for those around us, we cultivate and nourish happy feelings: pessimism turns into optimism; shame becomes confidence; and, hopelessness is transformed into awareness and accomplishment. Once the inner critic is quieted, we are free to hear the voice of intuitive wisdom, and discover the “natural, vibrant you within.”

Donna Rockwell is a staff psychologist at the Center for Creative Living. She provides therapy for adults, adolescents, and couples, coping with depression, anxiety, and other life stressors. For more information, call (248) 414-4050, or visit www.centerforcreativeliving.com.

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